In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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