Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize