Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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