I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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