Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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