the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
