I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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