...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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