please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
