From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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