He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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