Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
