Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
