If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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