I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
