You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
