I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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