Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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