I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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