I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
