mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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