Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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