Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
