if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
