Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
