It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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