He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize