is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I party with great urgency now.
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