I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
