Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
