Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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