Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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