She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
