I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
