So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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