is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
