i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
