my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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