i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I want her autograph on my taint
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
