i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
