So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
