we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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