I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
