I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
should my penis look like a turkey
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
