when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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