So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
