i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
