You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
