Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
