i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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