I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize