Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We're too hungover to prance.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
