We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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