I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
