So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
