Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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