You work out of a Hotel?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
