I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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