Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
