Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i already hear my dad disowning me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
