Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
