After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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