so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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