Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
