TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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