The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
