Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
