I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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