no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
