Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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