a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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