puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
