She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
