By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
