Your face is a jimmy john
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
