Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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