Only a mothe r could love this liver
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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